Book Summary - How To Win Friends And Influence People by Andrew Carniege - (Part 1 of 4)

I am constantly reading. Everyone I know who is worth the time and energy of getting to know is well read. Most of successful self-made individuals I know have paid dues through self-education. The good part is that there is such a diverse range of information easily available. You know the file-sharing programs you currently use for music & or movies? Try searching for some relevant books you have been hoping to get around to, you should have some luck. Of course, I just usually scroll the 'e-book' category as the good sites have set-up search parameters to filter by category.

Problem is, most books I read that are of the informational/educational/aspirational variety are 15x is long as they need to be. See "Rich Dad, Poor Dad". Great book for its target audience, but christ his point could have been hammered home with same effectiveness in twenty pages. Thus, I am going to be summarizing some books that have great insight but can boiled down to key concepts for myself & readers.

I'll be starting off with one of the all-time classic business and self-help books. Many hucksters have ridden its coattails and turned 'self-help books' into an oxymoron. My thought is you probably can use maybe one or two good books with this type of advice in your life. Oh, and fuck "The Secret".

Book Summary - How To Win Friends And Influence People - (Part 1 of 4) 

A. Building Personal Relationships

Never criticize, condemn or complain:

§ People very rarely criticize themselves, no matter how wrong they may be. Your criticism will not be welcome.

§ "I will speak ill of no man, and speak all the good I know of everybody.” – Ben Franklin

§ Criticism puts others on the defensive, hurts self-esteem, and builds resentment. Criticism is futile.

§ Positive Reinforcement works better. Example: Reprimanding soldiers for not wearing their helmets is less effective than asking if the helmets are uncomfortable and reminding them that the hats were designed for their protection.

Become genuinely interested in other people.

§ People are most interested in themselves. If you share that interest, they will respond.

§ If you talk to people about themselves, they will keep listening and listening.

§ Remember birthdays and other important personal details.

Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

§ Find the interests of others and talk about those things.

§ Begin any conversation disscussing the other’s interests and you’ll find them to be much more open to suggestion.

§ If you know nothing of their interests, try to ask intelligent questions about their interests. Perhaps ask for the story of how they developed those interests.

Be a good listener.

§ Give other's your exclusive attention.

§ Urge others to talk about themselves.

§ Ask pointed questions.

§ By simply listening and asking questions, others will think you are a great conversationalist.

§ Listen to others’ concerns/complaints, you will ease tension and build relationships.

§ Be eager to hear from those who may complain about you or your those you represent, however wrong those complaints may be.

§ Impress upon them how eager you are to hear them.

§ Thank them for bringing up their concerns.

Make the other person feel important.

§ People yearn to feel important and appreciated.

§ Continually recognizing someone’s expertise and capabilities will make them feel important. They will want to demonstrate their expertise by possibly helping you.

§ “I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.” – Charles Schwab.

§ Give others clear authority over a part of a larger project and help them understand their tangible contributions. They’ll become more committed to the success of the project.

§ Be sincere and avoid flattery. However, obvious, over-the-top flattery can often win smiles and carry the same favor as if it were sincere.

Use Names Whenever Possible

§ People love hearing their names, it's a favorite word.

§ Remember someone’s name and a few personal details.

Smile

§ Greet others with enthusiasm and animation.

§ A smile tells others that you like them and are glad to see them.

§ Smile even when on the phone; the smile will be clear in the tone of your voice.